Saturday, March 10, 2012

What kind of books do you like?

This is the first part of my dedication to all red-haired, brown eyed witches.

What kind of books do you like?
(or Introducing the red-haired, brown-eyed witch)

He took hold of her in his strong hands, clasped her to his hairy bosom and kissed her with his firm, passionate lips that slightly trembled with uncontrollable passion.

Action & Fantasy:
When his hold was slightly released, as he tried to catch his breath and get his mind to come back to reality, the brown-eyed witch seized the opportunity by putting her right foot behind his left leg, shifting her weight to the right and throwing him violently to the ground. With a jump that would make any cat envious, she was swiftly on top of him, with her hands on top of his, keeping him pinned down with her weight.  While looking down on him, with a murderous glimpse in her big brown eyes, she said: "You need a lesson to remember who is in control!"

Just then a green dragon swept down from the sky, seized the witch by the waist with its claws and lifted the witch so suddenly up in the sky that she lost consciousness.  The cave man looked upwards and the last he saw of them was when the last ray of sunlight hit the green dragon shells and gently played in the copper red hair of the witch.  If the man would not have been so frustrated with recent events, he might have found the light combination beautiful.

Traditional Russian:
When the witch opened her eyes, it took her some time to realize where she was.  She was laying on a floor of old grass that looked like it had laid there since the beginning of time (or at least as long as when she had last dusted her own hut). To her right there was one 1/2 meter high oval white object beside a small pool of crystal clear water, some old fruits, and a human skull with a lot of the teeth missing and with a strange oval opening on the top. There were also a lot of scattered bones from unidentifiable animals, tree branches, large pieces of wood and even some wooden chests. All of this was completely surrounded by a high wall of tree branches.

Using her sharp intellect, the brown-eyed witch quickly deduced that she was in a dragon's nest. She slowly got to her feet and took one step towards the big white object to examine it closely. It was then that the stiletto heel of her left shoe got stuck between two branches.  She shifted her weight to the right foot and did a quick jab with the left upwards, to get it free.  It was then that the banana peel under her right foot decided to make its present known. With a high 'oops' she lost her balance backwards.

With great agility the witch twisted herself in mid-air to not land with her backside first, which caused her face to be the first thing that hit the dragon egg. The egg was smashed to small pieces and egg white and egg yolk were scattered in all directions.

"At least, things can't get worse", the witch thought while she crawled to the pool of crystal clear water to clean herself. It was then she got to see a glimpse of herself in the crystal water; "I will kill the elf who sold me this so-called water-proof mascara" she muttered while she tried to remove the biggest pieces of egg shell from her hair.


It was then she realized what she had done: The green dragon was a male and the last of its kind and she had crushed the last dragon egg in existence.  She would be remembered as the one who had made the green dragons extinct.  The only thing to do was to throw herself out of the nest to the ground far below to end the suffering she could feel building up inside her.  It was then that she heard the big predator birds approaching, probably lured there by the smashed egg. "Wonder what will be the most appropriate way to die", thought the witch. "Picked to pieces by birds, the descendants dinosaurs, or crushed by a fall, like a dragon baby that tried to fly too soon".

Russian play:
If this were a Russian play, it would end here.

Happy endings:
It was then the witch noticed something white behind one of the treasure chests: there were two eggs left!  With a battle cry that could have made the caveman hide himself, believing that the sky was about to come down, she grabbed a tree branch and started to defend the nest and the remaining eggs from the hungry birds.

She managed to kill 5 of the birds, but there seemed to be a never-ending supply of them and her strength started to wane.  With her last strength she cast the 'ward of protection' spell around the eggs and fell helplessly down on her knees. She didn't have the power to cast another spell to protect herself.

It was then that the dragon come back and noticed what was going on.  He used his flame to chase away the birds, landed in the nest and looked closely at the witch.

Then he laid down, lifted one wing and nodded to the witch to come under its protection.

They slept like that the whole night and every day after that.